HERE ARE 5 TYPES OF “FRIENDS” YOU DON’T NEED IN LIFE:

THE COMPLAINER

It is exhausting to live in the world of a constant complainer. Something is always wrong, out of place or not up to impossibly high standards. When we spend too much time with a complainer, it becomes easy to start complaining too.

In fact, a recent study of college roommates found that over the course of the school year, students starting the year in a positive frame of mind developed more negative thought patterns when living with a negative roommate.

The problem with keeping chronic complainers in your life is there isn’t anything you can do to help them see the problem. They tend to not view themselves as complainers, and they are resistant to positive reinforcement or advice. The chronic complainer is happiest when the glass is empty.

THE NAYSAYER

Naysayers are all around us. Whether it’s an acquaintance, friend or even family, naysayers live in a constant state of “nay” or “no.” Whatever the suggestion, the idea or the goal, the naysayer responds automatically with “no” and a list of reasons why.

The hard part is figuring out who is a naysayer and who has our best interest at heart. The first step is to be aware that there is such a thing as “naysayer syndrome.”

Naysayer syndrome is the act of verbalizing one’s fears rather than expressing genuine concerns about another person and their situation. Once we know it exists, we can begin to determine who around us needs help.

Naysayers are just afraid. They don’t understand how we do what we do, because they are too afraid to take risks. If you spend too much time surrounded by naysayers, you will soon find yourself with naysayer syndrome.

THE DOUBTER

The doubter is even more dangerous than the naysayer because the doubter appears to be supportive but is undermining our efforts by creating doubt in our abilities to complete or tackle the challenge at hand.

The biggest cause of setbacks, failure or quitting is self-doubt. We begin a project with the belief that we can do it, that we will be wildly successful and that if we can’t do something we will figure it out.

Doubters lurk around missteps and hover to quickly point out what went wrong and why it’s best to give up. What’s dangerous is they do it in a way that appears to be supportive but is actually attacking our character, drive and ambition.

Keep the doubters at bay and surround yourself with friends that believe in you more than you believe in yourself.

THE BRAGGER

We dislike excessive bragging yet when we are proud of an accomplishment we are excited to share with our friends. The occasional sharing of personal achievements is normal but when it is extreme, it can be draining on a relationship.

The constant need to brag is often an indication of low self-esteem. While it is necessary to provide support to our friends, we can’t handle providing the attention the bragger needs to feel worthy of our friendship. They need to find that within themselves.

Our role as a friend is to help them by being supportive but not get caught up in the need to constantly reassure them. If you find yourself paying too much attention to someone else’s accomplishments instead of achieving your own, it might be time to cut the bragger loose.

THE FLAKE

Being a flake is more than standing someone up once, twice or ten times. Being a flake means putting more importance on posting a picture to Instagram, answering the phone in the middle of a conversation, interrupting someone when they are speaking and all sorts of other disrespectful behaviors.

A relationship with a flake can often feel insignificant, as if it doesn’t matter, because of their behaviors. We owe to ourselves to surround ourselves with people that show up and stay in the present moment with us.

We have all acted “flakey” at one time or another, but it is the constant flakiness that will have you doubting the importance of your relationship.

We all need different types of friends that serve us and whom we can serve. When you surround yourself with people that bring different attributes to the table, their and our lives becomes richer through shared experiences.

1. THEY ACCEPT EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, INCLUDING YOUR FLAWS.

They don’t want to change you; they embrace everything about you, from your quirks and flaws to your best personality traits. That doesn’t mean they have to particularly like or agree with everything you say and do, but they don’t bash you or try to alter your personality, either. You feel like you can breathe a big sigh of relief around them, because in a sea of billions of people, you’ve found one person who sees the positive things about you even when you don’t see them yourself.

2. THEY STICK WITH YOU THROUGH BOTH THE GOOD AND BAD TIMES.

This one probably best distinguishes a fake friend from a real one; in hard times, a true friend would never dream of leaving you in the shadows alone. Instead, they offer to help you however they can, and bring you back into the light again. Fake friends often bail on you because they only wanted to stick around when things went well for you, and felt like helping you through your problems was a burden for them.

3. THEY ARE HAPPY FOR YOUR SUCCESSES, AND CONGRATULATE YOU WHEN YOU REACH A NEW GOAL.

Fake friends feel jealous and contemptuous when you achieve something exciting in your life, but true friends will celebrate your accomplishments with you. To know if you’re dealing with an authentic friendship or not, just notice who sticks around when you reach new heights in your life. Some people will try to tear you down, but the real friends in your life will feel happy for you.

4. YOU FEEL TOTALLY COMFORTABLE AROUND THEM, AND THEY PROBABLY KNOW THINGS ABOUT YOU THAT MANY OTHERS DON’T.

They know your best kept secrets, your wildest dreams, and your unique quirks that you only share with people you feel most at ease around. They know all the details about your love life, your most cherished childhood memories, and all those embarrassing stories that you wouldn’t share with just anyone. They want to know you to your core, not just on the surface. This separates a true friend from a fake one in many ways.

5. THEY MEET YOU HALFWAY – THEY DON’T EXPECT YOU TO ALWAYS BE THE ONE TO REACH OUT TO THEM.

You don’t have to call or text every time you want to meet up; they also show interest in hanging out with you, and contact you often to catch up. You don’t feel like you have to chase them in order to keep them in your life – they put equal effort into your friendship, and make time to see you. They don’t only talk to you when it’s convenient; they reach out to you because they truly care about you as a friend and want you in their life.

6. THEY MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPIER AND MORE ALIVE, NOT DRAINED AND STRESSED.

After seeing them, you feel more rejuvenated, vibrant, and excited about life, not the opposite. Authentic friendships will be a perfect energetic match between two people; otherwise, one person will be giving the other one energy, which means that you have an energy vampire on your hands. To know if you have a true friendship with someone, just pay attention to how you feel after meeting up with them. A real friend will make you feel good about yourself and life, not depressed and uninspired.

7. THEY TELL YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT THINGS, EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT WANT TO HEAR IT.

They don’t tell you what you want to hear; they never sugarcoat anything just to appease you. They tell you the truth, even if it may hurt. And, you’ve learned to appreciate this, because not many other people in your life will cut to the chase and tell it like it is. They tell you the truth not to cut you down, but to help you make the right choices in your life and become a better person because of this.

8. THEY DON’T BLOW THINGS OUT OF PROPORTION WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE – THEY FORGIVE YOU.

They don’t expect perfection from you, and you don’t feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them just to gain their approval. They know that you will slip up from time to time, and you don’t have to give a long apology. They just put it behind them, and know that you have good intentions despite whatever mistakes you might make.

9. THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK.

Real friends NEVER gossip about you when you leave the room; they act like an adult and confront you personally if they need to talk to you. They respect you enough to not spread rumors and tarnish your reputation behind your back; they would rather smooth things over with you and have a rational discussion face-to-face.

10. THEY ALLOW YOU TO HAVE OTHER FRIENDSHIPS WITHOUT GETTING JEALOUS AND POSSESSIVE.

Real friends feel confident enough in your friendship that they don’t have to resort to jealousy and trying to control your life. They give you freedom to pursue other friendships and activities in your life, because they know that your friendship is rock solid. They realize that you don’t have to be in their company 24/7 in order to validate the friendship.

11. YOU HAVE SO MANY INSIDE JOKES AND FUNNY MEMORIES WITH THEM THAT YOU’VE LOST COUNT.

You have such a close relationship with them that you’ve spent countless hours together just being silly and laughing about nothing, and in turn, you’ve created so many unforgettable memories that will last a lifetime.

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